"BOEHNER: OBAMA NEEDS TO STOP ACTING LIKE HE WON ELECTION
BY ANDY BOROWITZ
WASHINGTON (The Borowitz Report)—Tensions over the so-called fiscal cliff reached a boiling point today as House Speaker John Boehner accused President Obama of acting like he won the November election.
“Our message is clear: Mr. President, we are ready to negotiate with you,” Mr. Boehner told reporters. “But this nonsense of acting like you won the election has got to stop.”
Lashing out at Mr. Obama’s “delusional arrogance,” Mr. Boehner added, “I don’t know what planet he thinks he won an election on, but this whole ‘the American people elected me’ act is getting a little old.”
Senate Minority Leader Mitch McConnell echoed Mr. Boehner’s sentiments, stating, “The President’s budget proposal sounds like the ravings of a man who thinks he won fifty-one per cent of the popular vote and three hundred and thirty-two electoral votes. When he decides it’s finally time to return to Realityville, he knows where to find us.”
Sen. McConnell denied earlier reports that he “burst out laughing” when he heard Mr. Obama’s latest budget proposal, telling reporters, “Actually, it would be more accurate to say I peed myself.”
“That business about raising taxes on the rich was—pardon my French—freaking hilarious,” Sen. McConnell said. “I’m glad that losing the election hasn’t made the President lose his sense of humor.”