Cheney Jokes...

Posted by: Topper

Cheney Jokes... - 02/19/06 03:35 AM

Hope you don't mind. I gathered these jokes together and have no place else to post them...<br><br>"What a nightmare I had last night. I dreamed I was at a Washington party and I had to choose between Dick Cheney taking me on a hunting trip or Ted Kennedy driving me home." --Jay Leno <br><br>"But all kidding aside, and in fairness to Dick Cheney, every five years he has to shed innocent blood or he violates his deal with the devil." --Jimmy Kimmelen<br><br>"We have finally located weapons of mass destruction: It's Dick Cheney." --David Letterman<br><br>"I'm surprised Dick Cheney loves to hunt so much. The five times the government tried to give him a gun, he got a deferment." --Jay Leno<br><br>"But here is the sad part -- before the trip Donald Rumsfeld had denied the guy's request for body armor." --David Letterman<br><br>"Now, this story certainly has its humorous aspects. ... But it also raises a serious issue, one which I feel very strongly about. ... moms, dads, if you're watching right now, I can't emphasize this enough: Do not let your kids go on hunting trips with the vice president. I don't care what kind of lucrative contracts they're trying to land, or energy regulations they're trying to get lifted -- it's just not worth it." --Jon Stewart<br><br>"Dick Cheney accidentally shot a fellow hunter, a 78-year-old lawyer. In fact, when people found out he shot a lawyer, his popularity is now at 92 percent." --Jay Leno<br><br>"When the ambulance got there, out of force of habit they put Cheney on the stretcher. No, the other guy!" --Jay Leno<br><br>"You can understand why this lawyer fellow let his guard down, because if you're out hunting with a politician, you think, 'If I'm going to get it, it's going to be in the back.'" --Craig Ferguson<br><br>"The big scandal apparently is that they didn't release the news for 18 hours. I don't think that's a scandal at all. I'm quite pleased about that. Finally there's a secret the vice president's office can keep." --Craig Ferguson<br><br>"This is a great story. You've got the Vice President, a shotgun, a bunch of rich guys hunting tiny little birds. The only thing that could possibly make this story better is if he shot Michael Jackson."--Jimmy Kimmel<br><br>Cheney's best excuse for shooting the guy...he thought he was hunting Dan Quayle<br><br>"Happy Valentine's Day. Good news, good news today -- so far Dick Cheney has not shot anybody," --David Letterman<br><br>"But the real question now is -- is this a one-time thing or will the vice president try to kill again?" --David Letterman<br><br><br>
Posted by: Celandine

Re: Cheney Jokes... - 02/19/06 03:53 AM

<br>No, I don't mind... FIRE AWAY! <br><center><br><br><br><br><br><br><br><br></center><br><br>
Posted by: bird

Re: Cheney Jokes... - 02/19/06 06:17 AM

LMAO <br>When people are laughing, they're generally not killing each other. ~Alan Alda <br><br>
Posted by: Celandine

Re: Cheney Jokes... - 02/19/06 09:54 AM

I doano<br>but if I was U <br>I wouldn't LYAO 2 Loud<br>in a thread dedicated to the Dick hunting!<br><br>You might just draw back a Tail fulla' BIRDshot. <br><br><br><br><br>
Posted by: Gigi

Re: Cheney Jokes... - 02/19/06 01:53 PM

Bill Gates was to speak at a conference. He opened his speech with "I am really glad to be here today, my other invitation was to go quail hunting with Vice-President Dick Cheney!".<br><br>
Posted by: Topper

Re: Cheney Jokes... - 02/19/06 02:11 PM

Now I am depressed...I wish Gates had gone hunting with Cheney and I wish Cheney was using a 12 gauge and I'm not joking.<br><br>
Posted by: DLC

Re: Cheney Jokes... - 02/19/06 03:10 PM

My jokes:<br><br>Cheney may face a big fine and 30 days in jail for shooting a GOP lawyer. He was hunting out of season and with no stamp.<br>Skunk season doesn't start until April 1st !! <br><br><br>#2<br><br>Well get off Dick's back !! At least he didn't shoot an "endangered species" !! <br>(like Bush did once -true)<br><br>David (OFI)<br>
Posted by: bird

Re: Cheney Jokes... - 02/19/06 05:58 PM

Some interviews from [color:red] Bird News Daily</font color=red> From an undisclosed location <br>The lone survivor of a bird massacre,<br>Mr. Quail, with a beebee still in his heart<br>Leaks the identity of the responsible drunk to Judith Miller<br> <br>A [color:red]sparrow flying over</font color=red> had this to say<br>Some men fish in the sea,<br>Where 'Perfect Storms' imperil,<br>Others drink a beer or three,<br>And shoot fish in a barrel<br><br>And [color:red]one Pheasant pointed out</font color=red> the new sign posted on gate entrance to the Canned hunt ranch gate <br>WARNING NOTICE TO HUNTERS:<br>Please be advised<br>That lawyers may appear<br>As quail in disguise <br><br>The [color:red]Wise old owl</font color=red> reminded the reporters of this<br>They came from Wyoming and Texas, addicted to power and drink;<br>They bullied and lied, they tortured and spied till most folks were too scared to blink;<br>But when Scowl shot a hunter he thought was a bird and Swag let New Orleans drown,<br>Folks finally saw what these guys really were: a crusty old coot and a clown<br><br> <br><br><br><br><br><br>
Posted by: garyW

Re: Cheney Jokes... - 02/19/06 06:25 PM

Posted by: Anonymous

Re: Cheney Jokes... - 02/19/06 06:41 PM

Here's another one outta the cage, bird. <br><br><br><br><br><br><br><br><br>[color:blue]And I'm the one that jaded you . . .</font color=blue>
Posted by: bird

Re: Cheney Jokes... - 02/19/06 11:14 PM

Oh yeah put that on the its a "hit" funny chart. lol !!!<br> <br><br><br>
Posted by: bird

Had to post it - 02/20/06 11:32 PM

Cheney takes wife hunting......<br><br><br><br>
Posted by: DLC

Re: Cheney Jokes... - 02/21/06 04:01 AM

They were talking on teh news shows this weekend... thsi incident will follow Chenmey forever... like Ford falling down the steps, Clinton and Monica, ..&#13;&#10;&#13;&#10;thought the hoopla will die down... Cheney will always be associated with this - forever. ... it's a "defining moment" !!&#13;&#10;&#13;&#10;Dick Cheney- The Mighty Canned Hunter !! &#13;&#10;&#13;&#10;<br><br>David (OFI)<br>
Posted by: Topper

Re: Cheney Jokes... - 02/21/06 04:09 AM

This will be his legacy. <br>Unless they link him to the CIA leak scandal.<br><br>
Posted by: polymerase

Re: Cheney Jokes... - 02/21/06 05:48 AM

Aaron Burr conspired to become the emperor of the Mxican territories and was tried for conspiracy. But he will always be known as the vice-president who shot Hamilton. Cheney was not as good a shot as Burr but I would bet even if he was roasted in the CIA leak scandal he will always be known as the veep who shot a man in the face. Even if he died in prison the obit would start with the hunting accident.<br><br><br><br><br><br><br><br><br><br><br><br><br>(__*__)
Posted by: Celandine

Re: Cheney Jokes... - 02/21/06 10:00 AM

...hey, at least Hamilton was shooting back! <br><br>
Posted by: DLC

Re: Cheney Jokes... - 02/21/06 02:26 PM

<blockquote><font size=1>In reply to:</font><hr><p> This will be his legacy.<br>Unless they link him to the CIA leak scandal. <p><hr></blockquote><p><br>Boy Ha Ha Ha ... <br><br>that's some choices for a legacy !!<br><br>I 'll give up the canned hunter image for a treasonous scoundrel any day!! <br><br>I just like to see "Justice" done!<br><br>David (OFI)<br>