Snippets from Church Bulletins

Posted by: yoyo52

Snippets from Church Bulletins - 02/12/14 10:04 AM

The Fasting & Prayer Conference includes meals.
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Scouts are saving aluminium cans, bottles and other items to be recycled Proceeds will be used to cripple children.
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The sermon this morning: 'Jesus Walks on the Water.'The sermon tonight:'Searching for Jesus.'
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Ladies, don't forget the rummage sale. It's a chance to get rid of those things not worth keeping around the house. Bring your husbands.
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Don't let worry kill you off - let the Church help.
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Miss Charlene Mason sang 'I will not pass this way again,' giving obvious pleasure to the congregation.
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For those of you who have children and don't know it, we have a nursery downstairs.
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Next Thursday there will be try-outs for the choir. They need all the help they can get.
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Irving Benson and Jessie Carter were married on October 24 in the church. So ends a friendship that began in their school days.
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A bean supper will be held on Tuesday evening in the church hall. Music will follow.
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At the evening service tonight, the sermon topic will be 'What Is Hell?' Come early and listen to our choir practice.
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Eight new choir robes are currently needed due to the addition of several new members and to the deterioration of some older ones.
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Please place your donation in the envelope along with the deceased person you want remembered..
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The church will host an evening of fine dining, super entertainment and gracious hostility.
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Pot-luck supper Sunday at 5:00 PM - prayer and medication to follow.
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The ladies of the Church have cast off clothing of every kind. They may be seen in the basement on Friday afternoon.
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This evening at 7 PM there will be a hymn singing in the park across from the Church. Bring a blanket and come prepared to sin.
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The pastor would appreciate it if the ladies of the Congregation would lend him their electric girdles for the pancake breakfast next Sunday.
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Low Self Esteem Support Group will meet Thursday at 7 PM . Please use the back door.
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The eighth-graders will be presenting Shakespeare's Hamlet in the Church basement Friday at 7 PM .. The congregation is invited to attend this tragedy.
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Weight Watchers will meet at 7 PM at the First Presbyterian Church. Please use large double door at the side entrance.
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And this one just about sums them all up

The Associate Minister unveiled the church's new campaign slogan last Sunday:
'I Upped My Pledge - Up Yours.'
Posted by: Acumowchek

Re: Snippets from Church Bulletins - 02/12/14 11:43 AM

laugh laugh laugh
Posted by: DLC

Re: Snippets from Church Bulletins - 02/12/14 12:24 PM

Just Shows to go ya that many church goers are very simple minded folks with marginal edumication ! blush

I mean if you can believe the fairy tales of Genesis and swallow .. you're pretty gulpable !! ... well that's what I heard Johah said jus before he got that big tug on his pole !! whistle
Posted by: Stumpy1

Re: Snippets from Church Bulletins - 02/12/14 06:40 PM

Hahahahah! laugh
Posted by: Pirate

Re: Snippets from Church Bulletins - 02/12/14 07:16 PM

There endith the leason
Posted by: MrB

Re: Snippets from Church Bulletins - 02/13/14 01:46 AM

there is a commercial on TV with Tommy Lee Jones who ask " Will you outlive your money"

Rather strange way to put that . It's basically suggesting that this company will make sure you don't live very long

Basically in the same confusing theme as the church sayings. So it's not just church folks that are quaint with their speech

Dave