The parrot

Posted by: MrB

The parrot - 04/04/13 01:26 PM

woman went to a pet shop and
immediately spotted a large, beautiful parrot.
There was a sign on the cage that said $50.00.


"Why so little?" she asked the pet store owner. The owner looked at her and said, "Look, I should tell you first that this bird used to live in a house of prostitution, and sometimes it says some pretty vulgar stuff."

The woman thought about this, but decided she had to have the bird anyway. She took it home and hung the bird's cage up in her living room and waited for it to say something.

The bird looked around the room, then at her, and said, "New house, new madam." The woman was a bit shocked at the implication,
but then thought "that's really not so bad."

When her two teenage daughters returned from school, the bird saw them and said, "New house, new madam, new girls." The girls and the woman were a bit offended but then began to laugh about the situation considering how and where the parrot had been raised.

Moments later, the woman's husband Keith came home from work.
The bird looked at him and said, "Hi Keith."


Dave
Posted by: Stumpy1

Re: The parrot - 04/04/13 06:19 PM

Hahaha! laugh

Busted!
Posted by: Pirate

Re: The parrot - 04/05/13 06:06 AM

That is outrageous ....and funny too
Posted by: Celandine

Re: The parrot - 04/05/13 11:18 AM

Having cohabitated with a Mexican Red-Headed Parrot for
a number of years, I still enjoy a good parrot joke. laugh
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A young man named John received a parrot as a gift. The parrot had a bad attitude and an even worse vocabulary. Every word out of the bird's mouth was rude, obnoxious and laced with profanity.

John tried and tried to change the bird's attitude by consistently saying only polite words, playing soft music and anything else he could think of to clean up the bird's vocabulary.

Finally, John was fed up and he yelled at the parrot. The parrot yelled back. John shook the parrot and the parrot got angrier and even ruder. John, in desperation, threw up his hand, grabbed the bird and put him in the freezer.
For a few minutes the parrot squawked and kicked and screamed. Then suddenly there was total quiet. Not a peep was heard for over a minute. Fearing that he'd hurt the parrot, John quickly opened the door to the freezer. The parrot calmly stepped out onto John's outstretched arms and said "I believe I may have offended you with my rude language and actions. I'm sincerely remorseful for my inappropriate transgressions and I fully intend to do everything I can to correct my rude and unforgivable behavior."
John was stunned at the change in the bird's attitude.
As he was about to ask the parrot what had made such a dramatic change in his behavior, the bird continued, "May I ask what the turkey did?"
Posted by: MrB

Re: The parrot - 04/05/13 12:10 PM

I love this one. I've heard it before. It's always good.

Dave
Posted by: Celandine

Re: The parrot - 04/05/13 03:08 PM

If you're a collector of Parrot Jokes,
you've probably heard this one as well:

There's a guy who owns a parrot which never talks. So he goes to the pet shop to get some advice. The pet shop owner says he knows exactly what the problem is. "Your parrot has too much hook in it's beak, what you have to do is file its beak back and it will be able to talk just fine. You've got to be careful not to file it too far though, because if you take too much off the bird will drown the first time it has a drink." The parrot owner asks how much the pet shop guy charges to do this beak modification and he says $100. So the parrot fancier decides he'll do it himself. A week or so later they bump into one another in the street. The pet shop guy enquires how the parrot is and whether it is talking yet? The parrot owner says, "The parrot is dead." Pet shop guy says, "I told you not to file the beak back too far, did he drown when he had a drink?" Ex-parrot owner says, "Heck no, he was dead before I got him out of the vice."
Posted by: Stumpy1

Re: The parrot - 04/05/13 05:18 PM

Yahahaha! laugh
Posted by: DLC

Re: The parrot - 04/05/13 05:25 PM

Ah you're all just parroting each other !! whistle
Posted by: yoyo52

Re: The parrot - 04/05/13 05:50 PM

Anyone here have a cracker?
Posted by: MrB

Re: The parrot - 04/05/13 08:47 PM

Now that is bad. I love it.

Dave
Posted by: Pirate

Re: The parrot - 04/06/13 03:57 PM

every self respecting pirate should own a parrot
Posted by: Celandine

Re: The parrot - 04/06/13 05:36 PM

Originally Posted By: Pirate
every self respecting pirate should own a parrot


Only if he gets-off on being shat upon

besides.. if you think that alarm was loud
you ain't heared nuthin' like the piercing
ear-schplittin'-louden-boomin' a parrot is
capable of producing!
Posted by: Pirate

Re: The parrot - 04/07/13 06:54 AM

Condos allow dogs cats and even fish..but no birds....only birds around here are in the block long park out back of the condo...wake me up at 5 am every morning...pleasant sounds...makes me glad to be alive
Posted by: Pirate

Re: The parrot - 04/07/13 07:31 AM

smile :DThere was a little old lady who was suffering from a degenerative eye condition that had left her nearly blind. She had three sons, and each wanted to prove that he loved her more than the others.

Son #1 bought her an expensive Mercedes, with a chauffeur included, thinking this would surely win her approval.

Son #2 bought her a 15-room mansion, thinking this would surely be the best that any of them could offer her.

Son #3 had to do something even better, so he decided to give her his most prized possession, a parrot that he had been training for 15 years to memorize the entire Bible. You could name any verse, and the parrot could quote it word for word. What a gift that would be!

Well, the old lady went to the first son and said, "Son, the car is beautiful. It has everything you could ever want on it, but I don't like to go out anymore, and the chauffeur is a nuisance, so please return the car."

Then she surprised her second son by saying, "Son, the house is just gorgeous, but it's much for me. I only live in one room, and it's too large to clean and take care of. I really don't need the house, but thank you anyway."

Finally, she went to Son #3 and said, "Son, I just want to thank you for your most thoughtful gift. That chicken was delicious."
Posted by: carp

Re: The parrot - 04/07/13 10:22 AM

Our condo allows only 2 pets - dogs have to be under 40 pounds and you have to pay a 50 buck registration fee per dog each year.

We do allow birds but they count as a pet. So you can have 1 dog and 1 bird. Fish are not counted as pets so you can have as many as you want.

However (foul) is not allowed - example would be NO Chickens laugh
Posted by: Celandine

Re: The parrot - 04/07/13 12:43 PM

Originally Posted By: Pirate
Condos allow dogs cats and even fish..but no birds....only birds around here are in the block long park out back of the condo...wake me up at 5 am every morning...pleasant sounds...makes me glad to be alive


Funny...
...my sister rented an apartment wherein
she wasn't allowed any pets EXCEPT a Bird...
That's how we wound up with the Parrot. smirk

Olde Proverb; "Be careful what you ask for..."

As for Pleasant Wake-Up-Calls:
Here we see "The Bushman's Alarm Clock"
The WORLD FAMOUS "OO-OO AH-AH" Bird
Posted by: MrB

Re: The parrot - 04/07/13 01:03 PM

I can imagine what bible verses that bird went through while she prepared it

Dave
Posted by: carp

Re: The parrot - 04/07/13 01:20 PM

White wine and special spices ? laugh
Posted by: Celandine

Re: The parrot - 04/07/13 01:26 PM

Originally Posted By: MrB
I can imagine what bible verses that bird went through while she prepared it

Dave


Psalm 23:5
Posted by: DLC

Re: The parrot - 04/07/13 05:02 PM

WOW that was neat - that's the bird you hear in all the Tarzan movies !!

Didn't know Tarzan was in Australia !! blush
Posted by: lanovami

Re: The parrot - 04/07/13 06:54 PM

I always think I can write better punchlines for these kinds of things and for this one I think it shoulda been,

and the parrot says, "Back so soon?" or "What's your flavor this time?" or "Blonde or brunette first?"

ba dum bum ching.
Posted by: DLC

Re: The parrot - 04/07/13 07:24 PM

LOL yeah those are better !! laugh
Posted by: Celandine

Re: The parrot - 04/07/13 08:16 PM

Spot On! Even George of the Jungle had one

Kookaburras are also very good at taming people




They're really cute...until they mob n' rob you. shocked
These are @ a picnic area, but they're famous
for raiding backyard BBQs where they "snag"
the snags (sausages) right off the hot grill! cry


Posted by: MrB

Re: The parrot - 04/07/13 11:10 PM

They use their cry in many films to indicated they are in a jungle. Any jungle

I love Em. Beautiful bird also.

Dave
Posted by: Stumpy1

Re: The parrot - 04/08/13 04:36 AM

Hahahaha! laugh
Posted by: Celandine

Re: The parrot - 04/10/13 12:12 AM

What discussion about parrots
would be complete without: