Emo Philips Cole Slaw

Posted by: walzuhair

Emo Philips Cole Slaw - 11/20/02 03:03 PM

Many moons ago, I saw a video of Emo Philips doing standup comedy. I liked his material a lot and thought he was very funny. A classic sketch was his coleslaw recipe.. Try it out :<br><br><br>1. Chop cabbage into large bowl.<br>2. Look for green peppers.<br>3. Drive to store.<br>4. Choose green peppers.<br>5. Carry them to a cashier.<br>6. Drive home.<br>7. Find money.<br>8. Drive to store.<br>9. Buy green peppers.<br>10. Drive home.<br>11. Chop green peppers into bowl.<br>12. Look for mayonnaise.<br>13. Drive to stupid store.<br>14. Buy mayonnaise.<br>15. Drive home.<br>16. Mix mayonnaise into bowl.<br>17. Look for lousy raisins.<br>18. Drive to store.<br>19. Ignore cashier’s ignorant snickering.<br>20. Buy stupid lousy raisins.<br>21. Drive home.<br>22. Mix raisins into bowl.<br>23. Look for stupid lousy miserable damned stinking carrots.<br>24. Drive to blasted stupid lousy store.<br>25. Buy lousy miserable damned stinking stupid carrots.<br>26. Yell at stupid ignorant Nazi redneck store personnel for laughing at you.<br>27. Crawl to car.<br>28. Drive home.<br>29. Chop stupid lousy miserable damned stinking lousy stupid lousy miserable stupid stinking lousy carrots into bowl.<br>30. Look for finger.<br>31. Look harder for finger.<br>32. Look everywhere for finger.<br>33. See cat scurrying away.<br>34. Chase cat out door.<br>35. Follow cat into new neighbor’s house, surprising him in the middle of a crack deal.<br>36. Dive over sofa to escape automatic weapon fire, landing on cat’s tail, causing cat to jump up screeching and claw new neighbor’s eyes as he’s bending over the sofa to shoot you, enabling you to grab automatic weapon from his hand and hold it on him and other crack dealer until police arrive, arrest them, and drive you and cat to hospital, where cat’s stomach is pumped, finger is found and it’s sewn on good as new.<br>37. Collect reward of half of neighbor’s property from police drug dealer auction, then just buy all the ready-made coleslaw you want from a nice deli.<br><br>SERVES UP TO 50,000<br><br>
Posted by: RubenC

Re: Emo Philips Cole Slaw - 11/20/02 05:45 PM

Ahh yes...That's what I needed for a laugh.<br>Thanks!<br><br>[color:blue]All you need in this life is ignorance and confidence, and then Success is sure - Mark Twain</font color=blue><P ID="edit"><FONT SIZE=-1><EM>Edited by RubenC on 11/20/02 08:46 PM (server time).</EM></FONT></P>
Posted by: walzuhair

Re: Emo Philips Cole Slaw - 11/20/02 05:48 PM

I remember another one from a tape I had 12 years ago:<br>"I was at the park today and saw an old lady digging through a garbage can. I don't know about you, but I have a lot of respect for old ladies digging through garbage cans; they saved my life so many times as a baby."<br><br>
Posted by: RubenC

Re: Emo Philips Cole Slaw - 11/21/02 10:03 AM

Good one!!<br><br>[color:blue]All you need in this life is ignorance and confidence, and then Success is sure - Mark Twain</font color=blue>
Posted by: Lori

Re: Emo Philips Cole Slaw - 11/21/02 12:44 PM

They have the Can man in it's entirety on the Emo web site.<br>http://www.emophillips.com/ate-canMan.html#<br><br>
Posted by: RubenC

Re: Emo Philips Cole Slaw - 11/22/02 05:01 PM

Thanks for sharing Lori<br><br>[color:blue]If opportunity doesn't knock, build a door. - Milton Berle</font color=blue>