Life Explained

Posted by: Swatcat

Life Explained - 09/23/02 01:31 PM

On the first day God created the cow. God said,<br>"You must go to the field with the farmer all day<br>long and suffer under the sun, have calves and give<br>milk to support the farmer. I will give you a life<br>span of sixty years."<br>The cow said, "That's a kind of a tough life you want<br>me to live for sixty years. Let me have twenty years<br>and I'll give back the other forty."<br>And God agreed.<br>On the second day, God created the dog. God said,<br>"Sit all day by the door of your house and bark at<br>anyone who comes in or walks past. I will give you<br>a life span of twenty years. "The dog said,<br>"That's too long to be barking. Give me ten years<br>and I'll give back the other ten."<br>So God agreed (sigh).<br>On the third day God created the monkey. God said,<br>"Entertain people, do monkey tricks, make them laugh.<br>I'll give you a twenty year life span." The Monkey said,<br>"How boring, monkey tricks for twenty years? I don't<br>think so. The Dog gave you back ten, so that's what<br>I'll do too, okay?"<br>And God agreed again.<br>On the fourth day God created man. God said,<br>"Eat, sleep, play, have sex, enjoy. Do nothing,<br>just enjoy, enjoy. I'll give you twenty years.<br>"Man said, "What? Only twenty years? No way.<br>Tell you what, I'll take my twenty, and the<br>forty cow gave back, and the ten dog gave back and<br>the ten monkey gave back. That makes eighty.<br>"Okay," said God. "You've got a deal."<br>So that is why for the first twenty years we eat,<br>sleep, play, have sex, enjoy, and do nothing;<br>for the next forty years we slave in the sun to<br>support our family; for the next ten years we do<br>monkey tricks to entertain our grandchildren; and<br>for the last ten years we sit in front of the house<br>and bark at everybody.<br><br>Life has now been explained<br><br>__________________<br><br>
Posted by: margadagio

Re: Life Explained - 09/23/02 01:54 PM

Glad I only have 10 years left of that slaving bit. Not sure about the monkey tricks. No grandchildren.<br> I guess I'll just have to borrow 10 years from the first 20 years gig. <br>Sounds like more fun to me. <br><br><br><br>
Posted by: Mississauga

ROTFLMFAO!!! - 09/23/02 02:24 PM

Priceless!!! Thanks!<br><br>[color:red]Alec</font color=red>
Posted by: MacGizmo

Re: Life Explained - 09/23/02 02:37 PM

Cmon Swatty... don't start a "Holy War" here! <br><br><br>[color:red]semicolon dash parenthesis</font color=red>
Posted by: Swatcat

The Army of the Lord - 09/26/02 02:24 PM

I was coming out of church one day, and the preacher was standing at the door as he always is to shake hands. He grabbed me by the hand and pulled me aside.<br>The Pastor said to me, "You need to join the Army of the Lord!"<br>I replied, "I'm already in the Army of the Lord, Pastor."<br>Pastor questioned, "How come I don't see you except at Christmas and Easter?"<br>I whispered back, "I'm in the secret service. "<br><br>
Posted by: MacGizmo

Re: The Army of the Lord - 09/26/02 02:26 PM

LOL!<br><br><br>[color:red]semicolon dash parenthesis</font color=red>
Posted by: OSXaddict

Re: The Army of the Lord - 09/26/02 04:11 PM

LOL good one.<br><br>Check this out..at http://www.google.com type this in: "go to hell" (including quotes) and see what the is at the top! <br><br>
Posted by: MacGizmo

Re: The Army of the Lord - 09/26/02 05:42 PM

LOL... A little easter egg the guys at google through in, eh!!!<br><br>[color:blue]Whatever you do, DON'T CLICK THIS LINK!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!</font color=blue><br><br><br>[color:red]semicolon dash parenthesis</font color=red>
Posted by: margadagio

Re: The Army of the Lord - 09/26/02 05:46 PM

Know where I can find a good exorcist?<br><br><br><br>
Posted by: greenme1

Re: The Army of the Lord - 09/26/02 05:58 PM

That's awsome! I love Google more than i did before! (if that is possible) <br><br>
Posted by: Anonymous

Re: The Army of the Lord - 09/27/02 02:59 AM

microsoft corp. doesn't come up for me...<br>i don't know why.. i used the brackets.<br><br><br>rakka<br><br> Great Day!