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Google #646571 03/03/18 01:47 PM
Joined: Feb 2007
Posts: 3,302
Pirate Offline OP
Old And In The Way
OP Offline
Old And In The Way
Joined: Feb 2007
Posts: 3,302
CALLER:
Is this Gordon's Pizza?

GOOGLE:
No sir, it's Google Pizza.

CALLER:
I must have dialed a wrong number. Sorry.

GOOGLE:
No sir, Google bought Gordonís Pizza last month.

CALLER:
OK. I would like to order a pizza.

GOOGLE:
Do you want your usual, sir?

CALLER:

My usual? You know me?

GOOGLE:

According to our caller ID data sheet, the last 12 times you called you ordered an extra-large pizza with three cheeses, sausage, pepperoni, mushrooms and meatballs on a thick crust.

CALLER:
OK! Thatís what I want

GOOGLE:

May I suggest that this time you order a pizza with ricotta, arugula, sun-dried tomatoes and olives on a whole wheat gluten-free thin crust?

CALLER:
What? I detest vegetable!.

GOOGLE:
Your cholesterol is not good, sir.

CALLER:
How the hell do you know!

GOOGLE:

Well, we cross-referenced your home phone number with your medical records. We have the result of your blood tests for the last 7 years.

CALLER:

Okay, but I do not want your rotten vegetable pizza! I already take medication for my cholesterol.

GOOGLE: Excuse me sir, but you have not taken your medication regularly. According to our database, you only purchased a box of 30 cholesterol tablets once, at Drug RX Network, 4 months ago.

CALLER:
I bought more from another drugstore.

GOOGLE:
That doesnít show on your credit card statement.

CALLER:
I paid in cash.

GOOGLE:
But you did not withdraw enough cash according to your bank statement.

CALLER:
I have other sources of cash.

GOOGLE: That doesnít show on your last tax return unless you bought them using an undeclared income source, which is against the law.

CALLER:
WHAT THE HELL!!!

GOOGLE:
I'm sorry, sir, we use such information only with the sole intention of helping you.

CALLER:

Enough already! I'm sick to death of Google, Facebook, Twitter, WhatsApp and all the others. I'm going to an island without internet, cable TV, where there is no cell phone service and no one to watch me or spy on me.

GOOGLE:
I understand sir, but you need to renew your passport first. It expired 6 weeks agoÖ

Re: Google [Re: Pirate] #646587 03/07/18 12:35 PM
Joined: Apr 2002
Posts: 15,077
Reboot Offline
Muhahahaha
Offline
Muhahahaha
Joined: Apr 2002
Posts: 15,077
Thatís perfect. grin

Re: Google [Re: Reboot] #646588 03/07/18 08:37 PM
Joined: Jan 2004
Posts: 20,529
Celandine Offline
Madame Flutterbye
Offline
Madame Flutterbye
Joined: Jan 2004
Posts: 20,529
Originally Posted By: Reboot
Thatís perfect. grin

uh-huh
"Perfect" reason I still refuse to use GoogleMail
most especially to consolidate all my other provider mail

as a product of the '60's I'm still looking over my shoulder
even though I trust Google (up to a point) one can never tell
WHO'LL OWN THEM & YOUR COLLECTED DATA IN THE FUTURE! eek

Yours Truly,
Incognito cool



____


Re: Google [Re: Pirate] #646594 03/12/18 12:29 PM
Joined: Sep 2001
Posts: 3,692
M
Mike Offline
Mr Zig
Offline
Mr Zig
M
Joined: Sep 2001
Posts: 3,692
So true, unfortunately! eek
Iíve been using Google Mail for a long time.
Years ago I was beginning to wonder if it was a mere coincidence that whenever I had communicated with relatives in Europe, ads in German began popping up.
Someoneís been snooping...... eek

Re: Google [Re: Mike] #646595 03/12/18 08:35 PM
Joined: Jan 2004
Posts: 20,529
Celandine Offline
Madame Flutterbye
Offline
Madame Flutterbye
Joined: Jan 2004
Posts: 20,529
Originally Posted By: Mike
So true, unfortunately! eek
Iíve been using Google Mail for a long time.
Years ago I was beginning to wonder if it was a mere coincidence that whenever I had communicated with relatives in Europe, ads in German began popping up.
Someoneís been snooping...... eek

They're called "COOKIES"

....but as in the "JOKE";
"THEY"'re doing it for your own good!
smile HONEST! smile

'scuse me for referencing an even OLDER Joke:
Q: How does a Lawyer say, "F__K YOU!"?
A: He sez; "TRUST ME!" grin

Now where else have we heard that phrase lately? ..oh yeah



____


Re: Google [Re: Mike] #646596 03/12/18 08:50 PM
Joined: Jan 2004
Posts: 20,529
Celandine Offline
Madame Flutterbye
Offline
Madame Flutterbye
Joined: Jan 2004
Posts: 20,529

BTW: Have you seen the movie, "SNOWDEN"?

...really want a knot in the pit of your stomach?

Watch It



____


Re: Google [Re: Pirate] #646600 03/13/18 02:32 AM
Joined: Nov 2002
Posts: 20,422
DLC Offline
I invented modding!
Offline
I invented modding!
Joined: Nov 2002
Posts: 20,422
Maybe we should have Donald call the Google sex shop !! whistle


Moderated by  Acumowchek, MacGizmo, Moderator, neil, Reboot