I can just see some poor soul recovering in the hospital from a heart attack and asked was he dead. Nurse says no you just had a heart attack ! He replies BUT my "death watch" stopped ! She replies, Yeah you just forgot to change the battery !!
Dear sir; I write this note to you to tell you of me plight For at the time of writing, I am not a pretty sight. Me body is all black and blue, me face a deathly grey, And I write this note to say why Murphy's not at work today.
While working on the fourteenth floor, some bricks I had to clear. But to toss them down from such a height was not a good idea. The foreman wasn't very pleased, he is an awkward sod. He said I'd have to cart them down the ladders in me hod.
Now shifting all those bricks by hand, it was so very slow So I hoisted up a barrel and secured a rope below. But in me haste to do the job I was too blind to see That a barrel full of building bricks was heavier than me.
And so when I untied the rope, the barrel fell like lead And clinging tightly to the rope, I started up instead. I shot up like a rocket 'till to my dismay I found That halfway up I met the bloody barrel coming down.
Now, the barrel broke me shoulder as to the ground it sped And when I reached the top I banged the pulley with me head. I clung on tightly numb with shock from this almighty blow And the barrel spilt out half the bricks from fourteen floors below.
Now, when these bricks had fallen from the barrel to the floor, I then outweighed the barrel and so started down once more. Still clinging tightly to the rope, me body racked with pain, And halfway down I met the bloody barrel once again.
Now, the force of this collision halfway down the office block Caused multiple abrasions and a nasty state of shock. Still clinging tightly to the rope, I fell toward the ground And I landed on the broken bricks the barrel had scattered 'round.
I lay there groaning on the ground, I thought I'd passed the worst But the barrel hit the pulley wheel and then the bottom burst. A shower of bricks rained down on me, I didn't have a hope. As I lay there bleeding on the ground, I let go the bloody rope.
The barrel then being heavier, it started down once more And it landed right across me as I lay there on the floor. It broke three ribs and my left arm and I can only say I hope you'll understand why Murphy's not at work today.
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