A group of men are changing in locker room at a golf club. Suddenly a cell phone on the bench starts to ring, and a man puts it on speaker phone. "Honey, it's me. Are you still at the golf club?"
"Yeah, what's going on?"
"I'm out shopping and found this great new leather coat, and it's only $500 dollars, can I get it?"
"Sure, if you like it."
"I was also at the dealership earlier and saw the new Mercedes models, and there is one that's absolutely gorgeous, and I really want it!"
"How much is it?"
"About $80,000..."
"Alright, but for that price I want all the extra options included."
"Great! One other thing. The house we wanted last year is back on the market, but they're asking for 1.5 million."
"Well, go ahead and make them an offer, but don't go above 1.25 million."
"Really? Okay! I love you, see you later!"
"Love you too."
The other guys all stare at him wide eyed. As he hangs up the phone he looks around and asks "Anyone know whose phone this is?"

A man and his pet horse walk into a bar. It's about 5pm, but they're ready for a good night of drinking. They start off slowly, watching TV, drinking beer, eating peanuts. As the night goes on they move to mixed drinks, and then shooters, one after the other. Finally, the bartender says: "Last call." So, the man says, "One more for me... and one more for my horse." The bartender sets them up and they shoot them back. Suddenly, the horse falls over. The man tries to get it up, but the horse just won't move. So the man starts walking for the door. The bartender, yells: "Hey buddy, you can't just leave that lyin' there." To which the man replies: "That's not a lion, that's a horse."