A pirate walked into a bar and the bartender said, “Hey,I haven’t seen you in a while. What happened? You look terrible.” “What do you mean?” said the pirate, “I feel fine.” “What about the wooden leg? You didn’t have that before.” “Well, we were in a battle and I got hit with a cannonball, but I’m fine now.” “Well, ok, but what about that hook? “What happened to your hand?” “We were in another battle. I boarded a ship and gotinto a sword fight. My hand was cut off. I got fitted with a hook. I’m fine, really.” “What about that eye patch?” “Oh, one day we were at sea and a flock of birds flewover. I looked up and one of them shiit in my eye.” “You’re kidding,” said the bartender, “you couldn’t lose an eye just from some birdsihit.” “It was my first day with the hook.”
If we don't count our blessings We are just wasting our time
A pirate is standing in the paper goods aisle of his local grocery store. He's been standing there looking for 30 minutes when the manager comes up and asks, "You have been here for quite awhile sir. Can I help you find something?"
The Pirate turns and says "No matey, I just can't decide between the Bounty or the CHARRRRRRRRmin!"
So this pirate walks into a bar and sits next to a drunken wench.
The wench looks him over and says, "Nice pirate outfit. Where'd you get your earrings?"
The pirate says, "Arr, I bought one from the dollar store on the other side of town and I got the other from the dollar store across the street."
So the wench exclaims, "Wow! Not bad for a buck-an-ear!"
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