woman went to a pet shop and immediately spotted a large, beautiful parrot. There was a sign on the cage that said $50.00.
"Why so little?" she asked the pet store owner. The owner looked at her and said, "Look, I should tell you first that this bird used to live in a house of prostitution, and sometimes it says some pretty vulgar stuff."
The woman thought about this, but decided she had to have the bird anyway. She took it home and hung the bird's cage up in her living room and waited for it to say something.
The bird looked around the room, then at her, and said, "New house, new madam." The woman was a bit shocked at the implication, but then thought "that's really not so bad."
When her two teenage daughters returned from school, the bird saw them and said, "New house, new madam, new girls." The girls and the woman were a bit offended but then began to laugh about the situation considering how and where the parrot had been raised.
Moments later, the woman's husband Keith came home from work. The bird looked at him and said, "Hi Keith."
If we don't count our blessings We are just wasting our time
Having cohabitated with a Mexican Red-Headed Parrot for a number of years, I still enjoy a good parrot joke. =========================================== ===========================================
A young man named John received a parrot as a gift. The parrot had a bad attitude and an even worse vocabulary. Every word out of the bird's mouth was rude, obnoxious and laced with profanity.
John tried and tried to change the bird's attitude by consistently saying only polite words, playing soft music and anything else he could think of to clean up the bird's vocabulary.
Finally, John was fed up and he yelled at the parrot. The parrot yelled back. John shook the parrot and the parrot got angrier and even ruder. John, in desperation, threw up his hand, grabbed the bird and put him in the freezer. For a few minutes the parrot squawked and kicked and screamed. Then suddenly there was total quiet. Not a peep was heard for over a minute. Fearing that he'd hurt the parrot, John quickly opened the door to the freezer. The parrot calmly stepped out onto John's outstretched arms and said "I believe I may have offended you with my rude language and actions. I'm sincerely remorseful for my inappropriate transgressions and I fully intend to do everything I can to correct my rude and unforgivable behavior." John was stunned at the change in the bird's attitude. As he was about to ask the parrot what had made such a dramatic change in his behavior, the bird continued, "May I ask what the turkey did?"
If you're a collector of Parrot Jokes, you've probably heard this one as well:
There's a guy who owns a parrot which never talks. So he goes to the pet shop to get some advice. The pet shop owner says he knows exactly what the problem is. "Your parrot has too much hook in it's beak, what you have to do is file its beak back and it will be able to talk just fine. You've got to be careful not to file it too far though, because if you take too much off the bird will drown the first time it has a drink." The parrot owner asks how much the pet shop guy charges to do this beak modification and he says $100. So the parrot fancier decides he'll do it himself. A week or so later they bump into one another in the street. The pet shop guy enquires how the parrot is and whether it is talking yet? The parrot owner says, "The parrot is dead." Pet shop guy says, "I told you not to file the beak back too far, did he drown when he had a drink?" Ex-parrot owner says, "Heck no, he was dead before I got him out of the vice."
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