An Alabama preacher said to his congregation, 'Someone in this congregation has spread a rumor that I belong to the Ku Klux Klan. This is a horrible lie and one which a Christian community cannot tolerate. I am embarrassed and do not intend to accept this. Now, I want the party who did this to stand and ask forgiveness from God and this Christian Family.'
No one moved. The preacher continued, 'Do you have the nerve to face me and admit this is a falsehood? Remember, you will be forgiven and in your heart you will feel glory. Now stand and confess your transgression.' Again all was quiet.
Then slowly, a drop-dead gorgeous blonde with a body that would stop traffic rose from the third pew. Her head was bowed and her voice quivered as she spoke, 'Reverend there has been a terrible misunderstanding. I never said you were a member of the Ku Klux Klan. I simply told a couple of my friends that you were a wizard under the sheets.'
The preacher fell to his knees, his wife fainted, and the congregation roared.
_________________________ Old farts, the hidden caulk of civilization. Jim Atkinson
An elderly patient insists on having a sperm count done. The doctor gives him a bottle to collect the sample in. The patient comes in the next day with an empty bottle and tells the doctor "This isn't working. I tried both hands, my wife tried both her hands, she even tried her mouth, and we still can't get the lid of this bottle."
A doctor tells his patient he has some bad news and some good news. The bad news is I had to remove both your feet. The good news is there is a guy in the hallway that wants to buy your shoes.
Common sense and deodorant are a lot alike. People who need it the most don't use it.
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