Can dogs jump up on your keyboard and rename all the files and folders on your desktop? Nope. Can they open apps and close windows at will? Nope. Can they shove your mouse onto the floor just for giggles. Nope.
1. Pick up cat and cradle it in the crook of your left arm as if holding a baby.
Position right forefinger and thumb on either side of cat's mouth and gently apply pressure to cheeks while holding pill in right hand. As cat opens mouth, pop pill into mouth.
Allow cat to close mouth and swallow.
2. Retrieve pill from floor and cat from behind sofa.
Cradle cat in left arm and repeat process.
3. Retrieve cat from bedroom, and throw soggy pill away.
4. Take new pill from foil wrap, crad le cat in left arm, holding rear paws tightly with left hand.
Force jaws open and push pill to back of mouth with right forefinger. Hold mouth shut for a count of ten.
5. Retrieve pill from goldfish bowl and cat from top of wardrobe.
Call spouse in from the garden.
6. Kneel on floor with cat wedged firmly between knees, hold front and rear paws.
Ignore low growls emitted by cat. Get spouse to hold head firmly with one hand while forcing wooden ruler into mouth. Drop pill down ruler and rub cat's throat vigorously.
7. Retrieve cat from curtain rail.
Get another pill from foil wrap. Make note to buy new ruler and repair curtains. Carefully sweep shattered figurines and vases from hearth and set to one side for gluing later.
8. Wrap cat in large towel and get spouse to lie on cat with head just visible from below armpit.
Put pill in end of drinking straw, force mouth open with pencil and blow down drinking straw
9. Check label to make sure pill not harmful to humans and drink one beer to take taste away. Apply band-aid to spouse's forearm and remove blood from carpet with cold water and soap.
10. Retrieve cat from neighbor's shed.
Get another pill. Open another beer. Place cat in cupboard, and close door onto neck, to leave head showing. Force mouth open with dessert spoon. Flick pill down throat with elastic band.
11. Fetch screwdriver from garage and put cupboard door back on hinges. Drink beer. Fetch bottle of scotch. Pour shot, drink.
Apply cold compress to cheek and check records for date of last tetanus shot. Apply whiskey compress to cheek to disinfect. Toss back another shot. Throw tee-shirt away and fetch new one from bedroom.
12. Call fire department to retrieve the damn cat from the top of the tree across the road. Apologize to neighbor who crashed into fence while swerving to avoid cat.
Take last pill from foil wrap.
13. Using heavy-duty pruning gloves from shed, tie the little *&#%^'s front paws to rear paws with garden twine and bind tightly to leg of dining table. Push pill into mouth followed by large piece of filet steak. Be rough about it. Hold head vertically and pour two pints of water down throat to wash pill down.
14. Consume remainder of scotch. Get spouse to drive you to the emergency room. Sit quietly while doctor stitches fingers and forearm and removes pill remnants from right eye. Call furniture shop on way home to order new table.
15. Arrange for ASPCA to collect mutant cat from hell and call local pet shop to see if they have any hamsters.
How To Give A Dog A Pill
1. Wrap it in bacon.
2. Toss it in the air.
I totally rest my case.
_________________________ I always deserve it. Really.
A friend of mine who has two dogs and two cats says that dogs are like bad girlfriends, all whiney and needy and "where-were-you-I-thought-I'd-never-see-you-again" when you return from the mailbox. Cats are like your cool college roommate, saying "zup?" when you walk into the room.
Cats crap in the house. Dogs don't. - True dogs do crap outside but ya gotta pick shiiit up , cats you pick up the tray .
Cats are stingy with affection. Dogs aren't. I think they are both tied on this affection
Cat independence is just indifference. Dogs really do love you. That dog love is really dependence on when it is fed , feed the dog less the more it loves you . sorta wondering where the next meal .
Walking a cat makes you look weird. Walking a dog is good for your health. Walking a cat is cool because it is sorta rare - Walking a dog is like well (THAT IS WHAT YOUR SUPPOSED TO DO) it is another job when you get home from your work .
Cats can't play frisbee. Dogs love it. - True , but my cat still amazes me what Robert can play with , anyway I give this a tie as well
Cats catch mice. Dogs will go hunting with you and help you bring dinner home. - Keep in mind that cats will Bring Home Dinner for you , cough just have to find a cook book to cook it - Dogs well you just have to take them out for another walk and pick up shiit , and hope you shoot something
Cats won't bark at everything that moves outside your home. Dogs will save you the cost of a home alarm system.
Cats will desert you if you don't feed them. Dogs will stick with you, no matter what. - True cats are smarter , they don't wait to be starved to death
Cats get stuck in trees and have to be rescued. Dogs rescue people. - Cats are just looking for attention to come to them - Dogs are looking for attention for earning their next meal .
If cats were really so great, they'd have their own TV shows and movies. Lassie was a dog. 'Nuff said. - Lassie was a shoe in due to unscrupulous practices at the time (like couch casting) <-- Norris the Cat should have had that part
(I get double credit because I thought these up all by myself. Cat people need to google, dog peeps don't. )
I have a Dog and a Cat <-- I know the difference between the two pets
It was slow to build, but boy did the responses come.
All good insights. Lee, thank you for the passionate defense. Well put together, even if the basic premise is flawed I want to make it clear, however, that I made up every letter of that post, no googling. When I feared people had little interest (sob) I did subsequently google and post a poll of cat vs. dogs, but it only gave results, no ammo. I was thinking about formulating a response to your rebuttal, but Carp's response was more than adequate.
I have owned umpteen of both of these animals, and I do believe I have the background for a fair comparison. And yes, I at this juncture it seems only fair to admit that I overstated my anti-dog stance for the sake of argument I don't actually hate dogs or even dislike them (except that little ones that yap incessantly at everything). I think dogs can be decent pets, but I still think cats beat dogs, paws down.
And, yep, Reboot, this was jibe/test/whatever at what is political or soapboxy and what isn't. Glad it grew like it did. The thread's fine here. Totally out of place in the lounge.
_________________________ We are what we repeatedly do - Aristotle
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