"It's a guy thing."<br>Really means...."There is no rational thought pattern<br>connected with it, and you have no chance at all of<br>making it logical."<br><br>"Can I help with dinner?"<br>Really means...."Why isn't it already on the table?"<br><br>"Uh huh," "Sure, honey," or "Yes, dear."<br>Really means....Absolutely nothing. It's a conditioned<br>response.<br><br>"It would take too long to explain."<br>Really means..."I have no idea how it works.<br><br>"We're going to be late."<br>Really means...."Now I have a legitimate excuse to<br>drive like a maniac."<br><br>"Take a break, honey, you're working too hard."<br>Really means...."I can't hear the game over the vacuum<br>cleaner."<br><br>"That's interesting, dear."<br>Really means...."Are you still talking?"<br><br>"It's a really good movie."<br>Really means...."It's got guns, knives, fast cars, and<br>beautiful women."<br><br>"That's women's work."<br>Really means...."It's difficult, dirty, and thankless."<br><br>"You know how bad my memory is."<br>"Really means.... "I remember the theme song to 'F Troop',<br>the address of the first girl I ever kissed and the<br>Vehicle Identification Numbers of every car I've ever owned,<br>but I forgot your birthday."<br><br>"I was just thinking about you, and got you these roses."<br>Really means.... "The girl selling them on the corner was a<br>real babe."<br><br>"Oh, don't fuss. I just cut myself, it's no big deal."<br>Really means.... "I have actually severed a limb, but will<br>bleed to death before I admit I'm hurt."<br><br>"Hey, I've got my reasons for what I'm doing."<br>Really means.... "...And I sure hope I think of some<br>pretty soon."<br><br>"I can't find it."<br>Really means.... "It didn't fall right into my outstretched<br>hands, so I'm completely clueless."<br><br>"What did I do this time?"<br>Really means.... "What did you catch me at?"<br><br>"I heard you."<br>Really means.... "I haven't the foggiest clue what you just<br>said, and am hoping desperately that I can fake it well enough<br>so that you don't spend the next 3 days yelling at me."<br><br>"You know I could never love anyone else."<br>Really means.... "I am used to the way you yell at me, and<br>realize it could be worse."<br><br>"You look terrific."<br>Really means.... "Oh, God, please don't try on one more<br>outfit. I'm starving."<br><br>"I'm not lost. I know exactly where we are."<br>Really means.... "No one will ever see us alive again."<br><br>"We share the housework."<br>Really means.... "I make the messes, she cleans them up.<br><br>

Here's some good advice.<br><br>----- It is important for men to remember that as women grow older it <br>becomes harder for them to maintain the same quality of housekeeping as they <br>did when they were younger. When men notice this, they should try not to <br>yell. Let me relate how I handle the situation.<br><br> When I chucked my job and took early retirement a year ago, it became <br>necessary for Nancy to get a full-time job both for extra income and for <br>health insurance benefits that we need. She was a trained lab tech when we <br>met thirty some years ago and was fortunate to land a job at the local <br>medical center as a phlebotomist.<br><br> It was shortly after she started working at this job that I noticed <br>that she was beginning to show her age. I usually get home from fishing or <br>hunting about the same time she gets home from work. Although she knows how <br>hungry I am, she almost always says that she has to rest for half an hour or <br>so before she starts supper. I try not to yell at her when this happens. <br>Instead, I tell her to take her time. I understand that she is not as young <br>as she used to be. I just tell her to wake me when she finally does get <br>supper on the table.<br><br> She used to wash and dry the dishes as soon as we finished eating. It <br>is now not unusual for them to sit on the table for several hours after <br>supper. I do what I can by reminding her several times each evening that <br>they aren't cleaning themselves. I know she appreciates this, as it does <br>seem to help her get them done before she goes to bed.<br><br> Our washer and dryer are in the basement. When she was younger, Nancy <br>used to be able to go up and down the stairs all day and not get tired. Now <br>that she is older she seems to get tired so much more quickly. Sometimes she <br>says she just can't make another trip down those steps. I don't make a big <br>issue of this. As long as she finishes up the laundry the next evening I am <br>willing to overlook it. Not only that, but unless I need something ironed <br>to wear to the Monday's lodge meeting or to Wednesday's or Saturday's poker <br>club or to Tuesday's or Thursday's bowling or something like that, I will <br>tell her to wait until the next evening to do the ironing. This<br>gives her a little more time to do some of those odds and ends things like <br>shampooing the dog, vacuuming, or dusting.<br><br> Also, if I have had a really good day fishing, this allows her to gut and <br>scale the fish at a more leisurely pace. Nancy is starting to complain a <br>little occasionally. Not often, mind you, but just enough for me to notice. <br> For example, she will say that it is difficult for her to find time to pay <br>the monthly bills during her lunch hour. In spite of her complaining, I <br>continue to try to offer encouragement. I tell her to stretch it out over <br>two or even three days. That way she won't have to rush so much. I also <br>remind her that missing lunch completely now and then wouldn't hurt her any, <br>if you know what I mean.<br><br> When doing simple jobs she seems to think she needs more rest periods than <br>she used to have to take. A couple of weeks ago she said she had to take a <br>break when she was only half finished mowing the yard. I overlook comments <br>like these because I realize it's just age talking. In fact, I try to not <br>embarrass her when she needs these little extra rest breaks. I tell her to <br>fix herself a nice, big, cold glass of freshly squeezed lemonade and just <br>sit for a while. I tell her that as long as she is making one for herself, <br>she may as well make one for me and take her break by the hammock so she can <br>talk with me until I fall asleep.<br><br> I could go on and on, but I think you know where I'm coming from. I know <br>that I probably look like a saint in the way I support Nancy on a daily <br>basis. I'm not saying that the ability to show this much consideration is <br>easy. Many men will find it difficult. Some will find it impossible. No <br>one knows better than I do how frustrating women can become as they get <br>older. My purpose in writing this is simply to suggest that you make the <br>effort. I realize that achieving the exemplary level of showing <br>consideration I have attained is out of reach for the average man.<br>However guys, even if you just yell at your wife a little less often because <br>of this article, I will consider that writing it was worthwhile.<br><br>drjohn(OFI)<br><br>[color:blue]My photographs[color:blue]

You don't value your life much do you??? You're really sticking your neck out with that... no matter how funny it is!!<br><br>[color:red] Kiss My Banana!</font color=red><br>Visit me here!

<br><br>Hum - hmmm - hum...let's see know...where are those instructions...ah, yes, here we are...open clamps of vise grip pliers by turning knob at end of shaft. Grasp object between jaws and carefully exert steady pressure to close vise grips...twist clockwise until desired pressure is achieved... <br><br><embed src="http://homepage.mac.com/lesh59/.Music/Shriek.mp3" width=320 height=25 controller=true autoplay=false type=video/quicktime><br><br>

Thanks, drjohn. But those sort of declining abilities are not necessarily reserved for aging women. Why, my second wife began slipping into that state of "overindulgent relaxation" at quite a young age. Were it not for my excessive patience, we would never have survived together for the 9 years we did! Imagine that... nine years!<br><br>

I think you guys are trying to test the restraint of us MacBabes!<br><br>

NOW THAT'S NOT FUNNY. Never, ever joke about such things <br><br>

Something you may not have thought of, but these forums provide a very useful function in supporting our wives. You know how men can be so much trouble underfoot, always in the way, always asking where she keeps the tape, scissors, silverware, dishes, cold beer, and so forth? Well, I've found that just concentrating on these forums for long periods of time keeps me well out of her way, and thus frees her to focus on cooking, doing chores, paying bills and such things at which she just hates to be interrupted. Next time you have that urge to say, "Honey, when you put down that load of laundry, could you help me find a sandwich?" (God only knows where they keep those things) just sit down at the forum and read the important news of the day. That way you stay informed to guide your family through the tribulations of life in this rapidly changing world, and she is free to do those womanly things that she so loves.<br><br>Just a thought; a public service, if you will. No need to thank me. I'm blessed already just by your being here to keep me informed. <br><br>Shooshie<br><br><br><br>Shooshie's Stuff

Very good, Lesh. Now... just crawl under the ol' truck out there, and we can get you started changing the oil. You're becoming so very useful! A credit to womanhood!<br><br>Shooshie<br><br>Shooshie's Stuff

So, you're saying we should (115k):<br><br><br><br>