<br><br>Two cows in a field talking to each other:<br><br>First cow: Hey, do you ever worry about getting mad cow disease?<br><br>Second cow: Nah, i'm a penguin<br><br>

After every flight, pilots complete a gripe sheet which conveys to the mechanics problems encountered with the aircraft during the flight that need repair or correction. The form is a piece of paper that the pilot completes, and then the mechanics read and correct the problem.<br><br>They then respond in writing on the lower half of the form what remedial action was taken and the pilot reviews the gripe sheets before the next flight.<br><br>Never let it be said that ground crews and engineers lack a sense of humor. Here are some actual logged maintenance complaints and problems, as submitted by QUANTAS pilots, and the solution recorded by maintenance engineers. By the way, Quantas is the only major airline that has never had<br>an accident.<br><br>P = The problem logged by the pilot.<br>S = The solution and action taken by the engineers.<br>P: Left inside main tire almost needs replacement.<br>S: Almost replaced left inside main tire.<br>P: Test flight OK, except autoland very rough.<br>S: Autoland not installed on this aircraft.<br>P: Something loose in cockpit.<br>S: Something tightened in cockpit.<br>P: Dead bugs on windshield.<br>S: Live bugs on back-order.<br>P: Autopilot in altitude-hold mode produces a 200 fpm descent.<br>S: Cannot reproduce problem on ground.<br>P: Evidence of leak on right main landing gear.<br>S: Evidence removed.<br>P: DME volume unbelievably loud.<br>S: DME volume set to more believable level.<br>P: Friction locks cause throttle levers to stick.<br>S: That's what they're there for.<br>P: IFF inoperative.<br>S: IFF always inoperative in OFF mode.<br>P: Suspected crack in windshield.<br>S: Suspect you're right.<br>P: Number 3 engine missing.<br>S: Engine found on right wing after brief search.<br>P: Aircraft handles funny.<br>S: Aircraft warned to straighten up, fly right, and be serious.<br>P: Target radar hums.<br>S: Reprogrammed target radar with words.<br>P: Mouse in cockpit.<br>S: Cat installed.<br><br>

KILLER BISCUITS WANTED FOR ATTEMPTED MURDER (the actual AP headline) <br><br>Linda, 23, a resident of San Diego, was visiting her in-laws and while there went to a nearby supermarket to pick up some groceries. Several people noticed her sitting in her car with the windows rolled up and with her eyes closed, with both hands behind the back of her head. One customer who had been at the store for a while became concerned and walked over to the car. He noticed that Linda's eyes were now open, and she looked very strange. He asked her if she was okay, and Linda replied that she'd been shot in the back of the head, and had been holding her brains in for over an hour. The man called the paramedics, who broke into the car because the doors were locked and Linda refused to remove her hands from her head. <br><br>When they finally got in, they found that Linda had a wad of bread dough on the back of her head. A Pillsbury biscuit canister had exploded from the heat, making a loud noise that sounded like a gunshot, and the wad of dough hit her in the back of her head. When she reached back to find out what it was, she felt the dough and thought it was her brains. <br><br>She initially passed out, but quickly recovered and tried to hold her brains in for over an hour until someone noticed and came to her aid. And, yes, Linda is a blonde<br><br>