Loc: Beautiful Southern California
I have a couple of friends who have gone through divorce, one involved a child and in both cases the woman wanted out. In a nutshell, both were unhappy in the beginning but opted to move on. Today each of my friends re-married and say it was the best thing that could have happened to them.<br><br>Sounds like your friends wife has a problem with commitment, and seems to be in complete denile, ... and I don't mean Egypt. <br><br>
It's easy to say "divorce her" or "stay with her" by posting it on here. But the fact is, we really don't know you or her and the whole situation.<br><br>Just from what you describe, it sounds like she goes out against your wishes. I'm not understanding something...does she say anything when she leaves? What time does she go and does she stay out ALL night long? Does she say anything when she gets back? Do you ask her?<br><br>How old is your daughter? Man..do I feel sorry for her.<br><br>If you choose the divorce route, keep track of her coming and going. <br><br>Sorry you are going through this. I'm sure it's hard.<br><br>
My answer:<br><br>Both the husband and wife should do everything in their power to work it out. Short of murder, there are few problems that can't be overcome IF both people are comitted to making the relationship work.<br><br>After re-reading the thread, I'll add this to the mix.<br>DO NOT kill yourself in trying to compensate for the failure of the other person. Again, both the man and woman have to make the effort. If she's stepping out, there has to be a reason. Discover it. Work it out if you can. <br>It's one thing when it's a man and woman. When there is a child... all I can say is that it's a terrible thing for a child to lose their family. <br>You sound like you're going through what I went through. short of super human powers, I did everthing I could plus more, but she was only interested in herself. The damage to me and her child was secondary and that damage was considerable. <br><br>Man, I'm feeling you. I really am. Do your best, because at the end of the day, at least you will never second guess if you tried enough.<br><br><P ID="edit"><FONT SIZE=-1><EM>Edited by skuldugary on 03/10/05 07:01 PM (server time).</EM></FONT></P>
My opinion, for what it's worth.<br><br>Every decision made in this type of situation should be based on what's best for the child. If both parties are able to maintain a civil relationship, stay together, even if it means both grow ulcers the size of softballs. They can always split when the kid leaves home and is better able to deal with it. The loss of day-to-day contact with the child will cause much greater pain than any betrayal. <br><br>If the atmosphere is hostile and abusive from both sides, then split.<br><br>If the betrayer is able to maintain civility, then the betrayee must suck it up and do the same. The reward will come later.<br><br>
I understand, and have experienced that same feeling. But... that's how you feel now. Consider how you'll feel down the road.<br><br>Just as one example:<br>Consider how you'll feel when your child tells you about how they had a bad dream and you weren't there to comfort them. <br>I've lived this, so I can tell you is hurts.<br><br>Now, I'm not saying to put up with being treated like dirt, if your wife isn't willing to make the effort. Don't throw away your selfrespect, but carefully consider what's self respect and what is pride and which of them is driving your actions.<br><br>What happens is partially out of your control. How you effect what happens, is not.<br><br>What ever path you choose, you have to be at peace with it for years to come. If you feel you can have no happiness in your life as long as you are with this woman, that she can never rebuild your trust in her, etc, then it leaves you little options.<br><br>What does your wife say about her actions, or is she pissing in your ear and telling you it's raining?<br><br><br>
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