Got this is my mail today:<br><br><br>The flood of American liberals sneaking across the border into<br>Canada has intensified in the past week, sparking calls for<br>increased patrols to stop the illegal immigration.<br><br>The re-election of President Bush is prompting the exodus among<br>left leaning citizens who fear they'll soon be required to hunt,<br>pray and agree with Bill O'Reilly.<br><br>Canadian border farmers say it's not uncommon to see dozens of<br>sociology professors, animal rights activists and Unitarians<br>crossing their fields at night.<br><br>"I went out to milk the cows the other day, and there was a<br>Hollywood producer huddled in the barn," said Manitoba farmer Red<br>Greenfield, whose acreage borders North Dakota.<br><br>The producer was cold, exhausted and hungry. "He asked me if I<br>could spare a latte and some free-range chicken. When I said I<br>didn't have any, he left. Didn't even get a chance to show him my<br>screenplay, eh?"<br><br>In an effort to stop the illegal aliens, Greenfield erected<br>higher fences, but the liberals scaled them. So he tried installing<br>speakers that blare Rush Limbaugh across the fields. ''Not real<br>effective," he said. ''The liberals still got through, and Rush<br>annoyed the cows so much they wouldn't give milk."<br><br>Officials are particularly concerned about smugglers who meet<br>liberals near the Canadian border, pack them into Volvo station<br>wagons, drive them across the border and leave them to fend for<br>themselves.<br><br>''A lot of these people are not prepared for rugged conditions," an<br>Ontario border patrolman said. ''I found one carload without a<br>drop of drinking water. They did have a nice little Napa Valley<br>cabernet, though."<br><br>When liberals are caught, they're sent back across the border, often<br>wailing loudly that they fear retribution from conservatives.<br>Rumors have been circulating about the Bush administration<br>establishing re-education camps in which liberals will be forced to<br>drink domestic beer and watch NASCAR.<br><br>In the days since the election, liberals have turned to<br>sometimes ingenious ways of crossing the border.<br><br>Some have taken to posing as senior citizens on bus trips to<br>buy cheap Canadian prescription drugs. After catching a half-dozen<br>young vegans disguised in powdered wigs, Canadian immigration<br>authorities began stopping buses and quizzing the supposed<br>senior-citizen passengers.<br><br>''If they can't identify the accordion player on The Lawrence Welk<br>Show, we get suspicious about their age," an official said.<br><br>Canadian citizens have complained that the illegal immigrants<br>are creating an organic-broccoli shortage and renting all the good<br>Susan Sarandon movies.<br><br>''I feel sorry for American liberals, but the Canadian economy<br>just can't support them," an Ottawa resident said. ''How many<br>art-history majors does one country need?"<br><br>In an effort to ease tensions between the United States and Canada,<br>Vice President Dick Cheney met with the Canadian ambassador and<br>pledged that the administration would take steps to reassure<br>liberals, a source close to Cheney said.<br><br>''We're going to have some Peter, Paul & Mary concerts. And we might<br>put some endangered species on postage stamps. The president<br>is determined to reach out."<br><br>
_________________________ Old farts, the hidden caulk of civilization. Jim Atkinson
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