• AppleCentral Network:
  • Tech Support
  • |
  • Open Source
  • |
  • Apple News
  • |
  • Register Domains
  • |
  • SSL Certificates
  • |
  • iPod Deals
  • |
  • Mac Deals
  • |
  • Mac Book Shelf
  • AppleCentral Home
  • MacTech Magazine
    • About MacTech in Print
    • Issue Table of Contents
    • Subscribe
    • Risk Free Sample
    • Back Issues
    • MacTech DVD
    • MacTech Archives
    • MacTech Print Archives
    • MacMod
    • MacTutor
    • FrameWorks
    • develop
  • MacNews.com
    • MacNews News
    • Blog
    • MacTech Reviews and KoolTools
    • Whitepapers, Screencasts, Videos and Books
    • News Scanner
    • Rumors Scanner
    • Documentation Scanner
  • Apple Expo
    • by Category
    • by Company
    • by Product
  • MacForge.net
  • Job Board
  • Advertising
    • Benefits of MacTech
    • Mechanicals and Submission
    • Dates and Deadlines
    • Submit Apple Expo Entry
  • User
    • Register for Ongoing Raffles
    • Register new user
    • Edit User Settings
    • Logout
  • Contact
    • Customer Service
    • Webmaster Feedback
    • Submit News or PR
    • Suggest an article
  • Connect Tools
    • MacTech Live Podcast
    • RSS Feeds
    • Twitter
You are not logged in. [Log In] AppleCentral » Forums » General Discussion » Stan's Lounge » This is soooooo true!!!!
Register User    Forum List        Active Topics    FAQ
Topic Options
Hop to:
#15118 - 09/26/02 09:45 PM This is soooooo true!!!!
MachOne Offline
old hand

Registered: 04/20/02
Posts: 1014
Loc: New Zealand
For thousands of years, men have tried to understand the rules when dealing with women. Finally, this merit/demerit guide will help you to understand just how it works. Remember, in the world of romance, one single rule applies: Make the woman happy. Do something she likes, and you get points.<br><br>Sort of like air points.<br><br>Do something she dislikes and points are subtracted. You don't get any points for doing something she expects. Sorry, that's the way the game is played.<br><br>Here is a guide to the points system:<br><br>SIMPLE DUTIES<br>You make the bed................................................................. 1<br>You make the bed, but forget to add the decorative pillows.... 0<br>You throw the bedspread over rumpled sheets........................-1<br>You leave the toilet seat up....................................................-5<br>You replace the toilet paper roll when it is empty.................... 0<br>When the toilet paper roll is barren, you resort to Kleenex.....-1<br>When the Kleenex runs out you use the next bathroom...........-2<br>You go out to buy her extra-light panty liners with wings........ 5<br>in the snow........................................................................... 8<br>but return with beer...............................................................-5<br>and no liners........................................................................-25<br>You check out a suspicious noise at night............................. 0<br>You check out a suspicious noise and it is nothing................ 0<br>You check out a suspicious noise and it is something.......... 5<br>You pummel it with a six iron............................................. 10<br>It's her cat.........................................................................-40<br><br>AT THE PARTY<br>You stay by her side the entire party......................... 0<br>You stay by her side for a while, then leave to chat with a work<br>colleague...... -2<br>Named Tiffany.......................................................-4<br>Tiffany is a dancer.................................................-10<br>With breast implants.............................................-18<br><br>HER BIRTHDAY<br>You remember her birthday..................................... 0<br>You buy a card and flowers.................................... 0<br>You take her out to dinner...................................... 0<br>You take her out to dinner and it's not a pub............ 1<br>Okay, it is a pub......................................................-2<br>And it's all-you-can-eat night....................................-3<br>It's a pub, and it's all-you-can-eat night....................-10<br><br>A NIGHT OUT WITH THE BOYS<br>Go with a mate......................................................... 0<br>The mate is happily married....................................... 1<br>The mate is single......................................................-7<br>Not for long - it's his Stag Night................................-10<br>He has a liking for Kings Cross establishments..........-50<br><br>A NIGHT OUT WITH HER<br>You take her to a movie........................................... 2<br>You take her to a movie she likes............................. 4<br>You take her to a movie you hate.............................. 6<br>You take her to a movie you like..............................-2<br>It's called Death Cop III...........................................-3<br>Which features Cyborgs that eat humans...................-9<br>You lied and said it was a foreign film about orphans.-25<br><br>YOUR PHYSIQUE<br>You develop a noticeable beer gut......................................-15<br>You develop a noticeable beer gut & exercise to get rid of it.. 10<br>You develop a noticeable beer gut and resort to loose jeans and baggy Hawaiian shirts......................... -30<br>You say, "It doesn't matter, you have one too."................-800<br><br>THE BIG QUESTION<br>She asks, "Does this dress make me look fat?"<br>You hesitate in responding..................................-10<br>You reply, "Where?"..........................................-35<br>You reply, "No, I think it's your arse".................-100<br>Any other response...........................................-20<br><br>COMMUNICATION<br>When she wants to talk about a problem:<br>You listen, displaying a concerned expression...........................0<br>You listen, for over 30 minutes............................................... 5<br>You relate to her problem and share a similar experience....... 50<br>You're mind wanders to the cricket and you suddenly hear her saying "well,<br>what do you think I should do?"................ -100<br>You have fallen asleep.........................................-200<br><br>ITS THAT TIME OF THE MONTH.......<br>You talk.....................................................-100<br>You don't talk............................................-150<br>You spend time with her.............................-200<br>You don't spend time with her....................-500<br>You are seen to be enjoying yourself..........-700<br><br><br>Edit: For those not familiar with 'King's Cross', substitute the phrase 'Red-Light District'.

Top
#15119 - 09/26/02 09:49 PM Re: This is soooooo true!!!! [Re: MachOne]
Trog Offline
Savior

Registered: 07/18/02
Posts: 10958
Loc: Ivory tower
Ha, ha, quite funny (just a joke ladies). I like the last section the best. <br><br>

Top
#15120 - 09/26/02 10:08 PM Re: This is soooooo true!!!! [Re: MachOne]
MacGizmo Offline

What?

Registered: 04/03/02
Posts: 19198
Loc: Arizona
Quite possibly the most complete list of "Truths" we will ever know in our lifetime!!! <br><br><br>[color:red]semicolon dash parenthesis</font color=red>
_________________________
The Graphic Mac - Tips, reviews & more on all things OSX & graphic design.

Top
#15121 - 09/27/02 12:53 AM Re: This is soooooo true!!!! [Re: MachOne]
margadagio Offline
Princess

Registered: 04/19/02
Posts: 5942
Loc: Toronto
Not entirely true. If any guy ever remembered my birthday AND got me flowers AND took me out to dinner that I didn't pay for I would give them a 1000 points. <br><br><br><br>

Top
#15122 - 09/27/02 01:25 AM Re: This is soooooo true!!!! [Re: margadagio]
yoyo52 Offline
Nothing comes of nothing.

Registered: 05/25/01
Posts: 30520
Loc: PA, USA
Talk to my wife--please <br><br>Great wits are sure to madness near allied.--John Dryden, "Absalom and Achitophel"
_________________________
MACTECH ubi dolor ibi digitus

Top
#15123 - 09/27/02 01:29 AM Re: This is soooooo true!!!! [Re: yoyo52]
margadagio Offline
Princess

Registered: 04/19/02
Posts: 5942
Loc: Toronto
Tell her to send me a PM. <br><br>You remember your wife's birthday?<br><br><br><br>

Top
#15124 - 09/27/02 01:38 AM Re: This is soooooo true!!!! [Re: margadagio]
yoyo52 Offline
Nothing comes of nothing.

Registered: 05/25/01
Posts: 30520
Loc: PA, USA
She wouldn't know how to do it .<br><br>Not that I haven't shown her how many times.<br><br>But I love her nonetheless <br><br>Great wits are sure to madness near allied.--John Dryden, "Absalom and Achitophel"
_________________________
MACTECH ubi dolor ibi digitus

Top
Previous Topic
View All Topics Index
Next Topic

Tweet

Preview

Moderator:  Acumowchek, MacGizmo, Moderator, neil, Reboot 
Print Topic
Switch to Threaded Mode
Publications, Articles and Industry Discussion
   »MacTech/MacNews Article Discussions
   »Apple World
Marketplace
   »Deals and Special Offers
      »Expired Offers
   »Trading Warehouse
Mac
   »Hardware
   »Software
   »Servers, Security, and Networking
   »Programming, Web Dev & Scripting
   »Windows and Virtualization
   »Cloud and Online Services
Mobile Technologies
   »iPhone Apps, AppStore, and iTunes
   »iPad, iPhone, iPod and Apple TV Hardware
Mods and Hacks
   »General Mods
      »Techniques
      »Miscellaneous
      »Mod Logs
   »Laptop Mods
      »Case Mods
      »Hardware Mods
      »Misc. Mods
   »Desktop Mods
      »Case Mods
      »Hardware Mods
      »Misc. Mods
   »Peripheral Mods
      »iPod Mods
      »Misc Mods
   »Software Hacks & Mods
General Discussion
   »Site Feedback & Issues
   »Stan's Lounge
   »Soapbox
Now Software Support
   »Announcements
   »Now X
      »FAQs
      »Discussion
   »Now Up-to-Date & Contact
      »Community Help
      »Tips and tricks
View profile
Send a PM
Add to your Watched Users
View posts
View profile
Send a PM
Add to your Watched Users
View posts
View profile
Send a PM
View homepage
Add to your Watched Users
View posts
View profile
Send a PM
Add to your Watched Users
View posts
View profile
Send a PM
Add to your Watched Users
View posts
View profile
Send a PM
Add to your Watched Users
View posts
View profile
Send a PM
Add to your Watched Users
View posts
Board Rules · Mark all read
Contact Us · AppleCentral · Top

MacTech Only Search:
Community Search:

 
 
 

 
 
 
 
 
  • SPREAD THE WORD:
  • Slashdot
  • Digg
  • Del.icio.us
  • Reddit
  • Newsvine
  • Generate a short URL for this page:



AppleCentral. www.applecentral.com
Main office: 805-494-9797
Xplain's use of MacNews, AppleCentral and AppleExpo are not affiliated with Apple, Inc. MacTech is a registered trademark of Xplain Corporation. AppleCentral, MacNews, Xplain, "The journal of Apple technology", Apple Expo, Explain It, MacDev, MacDev-1, THINK Reference, NetProfessional, MacTech Central, MacTech Domains, MacForge, and the MacTutorMan are trademarks or service marks of Xplain Corp. Sprocket is a registered trademark of eSprocket Corp. Other trademarks and copyrights appearing in this printing or software remain the property of their respective holders.
All contents are Copyright 1984-2010 by Xplain Corporation. All rights reserved. Theme designed by Icreon.
Generated in 0.088 seconds in which 0.064 seconds were spent on a total of 13 queries. Zlib compression enabled.
Powered by UBB.threads™ PHP Forum Software 7.5.8