For thousands of years, men have tried to understand the rules when dealing with women. Finally, this merit/demerit guide will help you to understand just how it works. Remember, in the world of romance, one single rule applies: Make the woman happy. Do something she likes, and you get points.<br><br>Sort of like air points.<br><br>Do something she dislikes and points are subtracted. You don't get any points for doing something she expects. Sorry, that's the way the game is played.<br><br>Here is a guide to the points system:<br><br>SIMPLE DUTIES<br>You make the bed................................................................. 1<br>You make the bed, but forget to add the decorative pillows.... 0<br>You throw the bedspread over rumpled sheets........................-1<br>You leave the toilet seat up....................................................-5<br>You replace the toilet paper roll when it is empty.................... 0<br>When the toilet paper roll is barren, you resort to Kleenex.....-1<br>When the Kleenex runs out you use the next bathroom...........-2<br>You go out to buy her extra-light panty liners with wings........ 5<br>in the snow........................................................................... 8<br>but return with beer...............................................................-5<br>and no liners........................................................................-25<br>You check out a suspicious noise at night............................. 0<br>You check out a suspicious noise and it is nothing................ 0<br>You check out a suspicious noise and it is something.......... 5<br>You pummel it with a six iron............................................. 10<br>It's her cat.........................................................................-40<br><br>AT THE PARTY<br>You stay by her side the entire party......................... 0<br>You stay by her side for a while, then leave to chat with a work<br>colleague...... -2<br>Named Tiffany.......................................................-4<br>Tiffany is a dancer.................................................-10<br>With breast implants.............................................-18<br><br>HER BIRTHDAY<br>You remember her birthday..................................... 0<br>You buy a card and flowers.................................... 0<br>You take her out to dinner...................................... 0<br>You take her out to dinner and it's not a pub............ 1<br>Okay, it is a pub......................................................-2<br>And it's all-you-can-eat night....................................-3<br>It's a pub, and it's all-you-can-eat night....................-10<br><br>A NIGHT OUT WITH THE BOYS<br>Go with a mate......................................................... 0<br>The mate is happily married....................................... 1<br>The mate is single......................................................-7<br>Not for long - it's his Stag Night................................-10<br>He has a liking for Kings Cross establishments..........-50<br><br>A NIGHT OUT WITH HER<br>You take her to a movie........................................... 2<br>You take her to a movie she likes............................. 4<br>You take her to a movie you hate.............................. 6<br>You take her to a movie you like..............................-2<br>It's called Death Cop III...........................................-3<br>Which features Cyborgs that eat humans...................-9<br>You lied and said it was a foreign film about orphans.-25<br><br>YOUR PHYSIQUE<br>You develop a noticeable beer gut......................................-15<br>You develop a noticeable beer gut & exercise to get rid of it.. 10<br>You develop a noticeable beer gut and resort to loose jeans and baggy Hawaiian shirts......................... -30<br>You say, "It doesn't matter, you have one too."................-800<br><br>THE BIG QUESTION<br>She asks, "Does this dress make me look fat?"<br>You hesitate in responding..................................-10<br>You reply, "Where?"..........................................-35<br>You reply, "No, I think it's your arse".................-100<br>Any other response...........................................-20<br><br>COMMUNICATION<br>When she wants to talk about a problem:<br>You listen, displaying a concerned expression...........................0<br>You listen, for over 30 minutes............................................... 5<br>You relate to her problem and share a similar experience....... 50<br>You're mind wanders to the cricket and you suddenly hear her saying "well,<br>what do you think I should do?"................ -100<br>You have fallen asleep.........................................-200<br><br>ITS THAT TIME OF THE MONTH.......<br>You talk.....................................................-100<br>You don't talk............................................-150<br>You spend time with her.............................-200<br>You don't spend time with her....................-500<br>You are seen to be enjoying yourself..........-700<br><br><br>Edit: For those not familiar with 'King's Cross', substitute the phrase 'Red-Light District'.

Ha, ha, quite funny (just a joke ladies). I like the last section the best. <br><br>

Quite possibly the most complete list of "Truths" we will ever know in our lifetime!!! <br><br><br>[color:red]semicolon dash parenthesis</font color=red>

Not entirely true. If any guy ever remembered my birthday AND got me flowers AND took me out to dinner that I didn't pay for I would give them a 1000 points. <br><br><br><br>

Talk to my wife--please <br><br>Great wits are sure to madness near allied.--John Dryden, "Absalom and Achitophel"

Tell her to send me a PM. <br><br>You remember your wife's birthday?<br><br><br><br>

She wouldn't know how to do it .<br><br>Not that I haven't shown her how many times.<br><br>But I love her nonetheless <br><br>Great wits are sure to madness near allied.--John Dryden, "Absalom and Achitophel"