I read a couple the other day:

24. Because of my love of bacon, I can't be cremated; the grease fire would be uncontrollable !!

25. My wife caught me on the scales, so I remarked "This thing says I'm pushing 200 Lbs". She remarked, "You ought to see what you're pullin' !!"

26. My wife harasses me constantly. I walked in the bedroom this AM, and said "I need you to help me find something!" Without a beat, she said "Don't tell me you put your boxer shorts on backwards again !" mad