Stephen Wright is another master...

I worked in a fire hydrant factory. You couldn't park anywhere near the place.

What's another word for "thesaurus"?

I bought some batteries, but they weren't included.

I got a humidifier and a dehumidifier. I put them in the same room and let them fight it out.

I replaced the headlights on my car with strobe lights. Now it looks like I'm the only one moving.

I turned my air conditioner the other way around, and it got cold out.

I spilled Spot remover on my dog. Now he's gone.

My neighbor has a circular driveway. He can't get out.

I bought some powdered water, but I didn't know what to add.

I put instant coffee in a microwave and almost went back in time.

I bought a house on a one-way dead-end road. I don't know how I got there.

I Xeroxed a mirror. Now I have an extra Xerox machine.

My school colors were clear.

I stayed in a really old hotel last night. They sent me a wakeup letter.

I went for a walk last night and she asked me how long I was going to be gone. I said, "The whole time."

Whenever I think of the past, it brings back so many memories.

There's a fine line between fishing and just standing on the shore like an idiot.

Imagine if birds were tickled by feathers.

It doesn't matter what temperature a room is, it's always room temperature.

Ballerinas are always on their toes. Why don't they just get taller ballerinas?

Why in a country of free speech, are there phone bills?

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