I wish I knew how to push this to the top of every Google search on the entire planet. HP printers are the sorriest waste of money possible in a home office. I'm staring down a Monday deadline, and I figured I'd get a jump on printing the CD and jewel box labels this evening.

I'd have better luck attaching wings to pigs.

This POS has given me nothing but mofo grief for the last two years. I know how to baby it, massage it and even threaten it. Tonight, it seems to sense my deadline with an evil delight. I will make do.

Hewlett Packard are you listening? Oh, surprise. You're not. Fine. I no longer give a flyin' F. I used to be one of the last holdouts for your printers. That is over. I will haul my tired, deadlined ass to the local box store tomorrow. I will buy anything that isn't your product. I will make it love my Mac.

I will then take your piece of crap out to my driveway. I will back my pickup over it. I will do this repeatedly. My neighbors will just shrug it off, because they know me. However, when I tell them why, they will cheer me on. That is how fn' sorry your printers are. Y'all used to rule. You are dead to me.

Thanks for listening, peeps. I feel better. I guess this is a good time to ask for recommendations for a reliable printer? I'm going to hit the post button now. I will live to regret this rant in the morning, or I will just forward it to Hewlett Packard. No, I won't. I'm so over exercises in futility. It's Saturday evening, and I deserve serious tequila.

I always deserve it. Really.