<br>Your last name stays put.<br>The garage is all yours.<br>Wedding plans take care of themselves<br>Chocolate is just another snack.<br>You can be president.<br>You can wear a white T-shirt to a water park.<br>Car mechanics tell you the truth.<br>The world is your urinal.<br>You never have to drive to another gas station because this one's just too icky.<br>Same work, more pay.<br>Wrinkles add character.<br>Wedding dress - $5000; tux rental - $100.<br>People never stare at your chest when you're talking to them.<br>The occasional well-rendered belch is practically expected.<br>New shoes don't cut, blister, or mangle your feet.<br>One mood, ALL the darn time.<br>Phone conversations are over in 30 seconds flat.<br>You know stuff about tanks.<br>A five-day vacation requires only one suitcase.<br>You can open all your own jars.<br>You get extra credit for the slightest act of thoughtfulness.<br>If someone forgets to invite you to something, he or she can still be your friend.<br>Your underwear is $8.95 for a six-pack.<br>Everything on your face stays its original color.<br>Three pairs of shoes are more than enough.<br>You don't have to stop and think of which way to turn a nut on a bolt.<br>You almost never have strap problems in public.<br>You are unable to see wrinkles in your clothes.<br>You don't have to shave below your neck!<br>Your belly usually hides your big hips.<br>One wallet and one pair of shoes, one color, all seasons.<br>You can "do" your nails with a pocketknife.<br>You have freedom of choice concerning growing a mustache.<br>You can do Christmas shopping for 25 relatives, on December 24, in 45 minutes.<br><br><br><br>